You know you’re from Hampton Roads if…
Because for too long have we Hampton Roads natives been downtrodden by Northern Virginia's superiority complex and silenced by Piedmont scalawags. Here is our list. WE SHALL BE HEARD!
By Andrew D’huyvetter,
1- You can name at least three of Mike Joynes’ law partners.
2- You can finish the “Beach Ford” song…
3- You know that 64 West in
5- You know that “Hampton Roads” aren’t actual roads.
6- You don’t go to the beach every day.
7- You don’t want to go to the beach every day.
8- You know which beaches to avoid, unlike the tourists.
9- You believe that Meyera Oberndorf will be the mayor of
10- Little Neck and Great Neck are not locations on
11- Little Neck Creek is not on Little Neck.
12- Any westbound trip you’ve ever made involves at least one tunnel.
13- You can name at least three underwater tunnels within a twenty mile radius of your home. Extra points if you can name all five.
14- One of your Adopt-A-School partners in elementary school was a U.S. Navy vessel.
15- You can say
16- You don’t stop and look skyward when aircraft fly over.
17- You’ve seen Rudy Boesch in the Farm Fresh.
18- You’ve seen Pat Robertson in the Farm Fresh.
19- You’ve seen The Neptunes in the Farm Fresh.
20- You’ve seen Timbaland in the Farm Fresh.
21- You’ve seen Missy Elliott in the Farm Fresh.
22- You even know what a Food Lion is.
23- You know which parts of each city to stay out of.
24- Sometimes the cities just blur into one big metropolis.
25- Sorry, I meant “suburb.”
26- You’ve been to more minor-league sports games than major-league. (More points if you can name three Hampton Roads minor-league teams)
27- You know that on-base purchases have no sales tax. (Further points if you can name four military installations in the area)
29- It’s Hampton, not The
30- It’s not a
peninsula, it’s the
31- You can name all the I-64 spurs.
32- It’s not
33- It’s not
34- The Strip isn’t a nudie bar, it’s a tourist trap.
35- To you, Scope isn’t just mouthwash.
36- The Boathouse doesn’t actually dock any boats.
37- You’ve been to the
38- No, the real one.
39- You know what WRV, Hotline, Roxy, Billabong, and Quiksilver are.
40- You’ve ever heard “South Side” by Moby while actually on the Southside.
41- You know Dam Neck and Birdneck aren’t necks of any kind.
42- You use Cox Cable and refer to
43- You know
44- You don’t mind the jet noise.
45- You don’t slow down in the tunnel, because it’s not a big deal. Stupid out-of-towners.
46- Walking up hills causes an instant asthma attack.
47- While away from home, you can identify a fellow HR resident by their being the only one in a 17th Street shirt and flip flops. In December.
48- You can go surfing and strawberry-pickin’ in the same day.
49- The left lane is not the passing lane, it is the only lane.
50- You know what Rita’s Italian Ice is.
51- You have friends at three other high schools, minimum.
52- Jimmy Buffet is a regular fixture at parties and social events.
53- A hermit crab is a legitimate pet.
54- You know not to bring your golf clubs to the Tidewater Country Club.
55- No, it’s a city. Not a county.
56- It’s normal for seven cities to be linked in almost every conceivable way.
57- Your city is 20 miles long but only 3 miles wide.
58- You can leave town for years at a time to find the same sections of road still under construction.
59- Base/shipyard traffic is one of the most dehumanizing experiences you can think of.
60- You have to adopt a surrogate professional sports team because you live in the largest metropolitan area without a single one.
61- It’s Seven Five Seven, not Seven Fifty-Seven.
62- An inch of snow closes everything down.
63- 3 inches is a blizzard.
64- You’ve been due for a “Major Hurricane” for about 15 years.
65- Earthquakes? Pardon?
66- Your region is having an identity crisis: Hampton Roads?
67- At least 75 mph on the interstate: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law. If you want to survive.
68- You know who the Norwegian Lady is.
69- No, you can’t walk to the beach.
70- You block the box.
71- You didn’t immediately respond to #70 with “What?”
72- The pedestrians are only at the beach.
73- You’ve seen
74- During Real Stories of the Highway Patrol, instead of saying “Too bad for him,” you say “That guy was in my gym class!”
75- You can see another 7-11 from the 7-11 you’re currently at.
76- You can’t afford Nordstrom. But you have one.
77- Why shop at Gap and Old Navy when you have Walmart, Target, and Payless?
78- MacArthur was not only a brilliant general, but a fine shopping establishment.
79- Bridges go over water, not land.
80- Tagalog is a language, and you might know a few words, if not speak fluently.
81- You know not to swim at
82- You know
83- You don’t laugh when you hear
84- You hear “downtown” and immediately think of some other city.
85- You have to specify which Lynnhaven, Princess Anne, or
86- You have to go to DC to see any of the big-name concerts
because you live in the largest demographic cul-de-sac in the
87- You can name all the HR cities.
88- You don’t know what the big deal about lacrosse is.
89- Nor do you know what the big deal about ice hockey is. Rhinos? Who?
90- You know that
91- Newport News/Williamsburg International Airport never even enters your mind.
92- No, you’re not hallucinating. Those are mermaids.
93- You’ve attended the Neptune Festival without being pagan.
94- You’re still wearing sandals in November.
95- You’re a Republican.
96- You know the real reason we haven’t been hit by a hurricane in the last several years is because of Pat Robertson. Emphatically cough here for emphasis.
97- You’ve ever wonder how many fish and crabs PETA killed
building their new headquarters on the banks of the beautiful
98- You had a nickel for every OBX sticker you saw on the road, you’d be a rich man by now.
99- You’re tired of there being no respect for your home.
100- You know that it all started here.
 The Norfolk Admirals (AHL), The Norfolk Nighthawks (af2), The Norfolk Tides (AAA baseball), the Hampton Roads Mariners (minor league MLS), and the Hampton Roads Piranhas (women’s minor league MLS)
 Norfolk Naval Station, Norfolk Naval Air Station, Oceana Master Jet Base, the Norfolk Shipyard, Camp Pendleton, Fort Story, Fort Monroe, Fort Eustis, Little Creek Amphibious Base, Craney Island, St. Julian Creek Annex, Fentress Field.
In order of population:
The Hampton Roads/Norfolk Rhinos were a failed attempt by George Shinn to bring
an NHL franchise to